Kai’s prologue:

My editor convinced me that Kai’s prologue didn’t really need to be included since most of the contents is established elsewhere in the book. She also said that I could include it as an incentive to get people to sign up for my newsletter but I don’t know. Would you guys be interested in reading my occasional thoughts? If so, sign up below and if I get any interest at all, I’ll start one. In any case, here it is for now.

Prologue:

When Kai blinked his eyes open, the first thing he noticed was soft sunlight brightening the white sheet acting as a makeshift curtain over the window. The second thing he noticed was blissful silence. He took a second to enjoy it, even as anxiety crept back in, pushing the tiredness out of his sleep-drunk head. When the clawing sensation in his chest became too unbearable, he scrabbled at the nightstand, looking for his phone. It was an outdated, second-hand iPhone that his grandmother had given him for his sixteenth birthday, almost five months ago, but she’d been so proud of it. It was the most expensive thing Kai had ever owned. He glanced at the time: 8:43. Almost five hours of sleep. Fuck, that was amazing. He’d almost relaxed.

The guy on his right stirred, and Kai glanced over at him where he lay stretched out on his stomach, the sheets bunched around his waist, naked back on display. What was his name again? Fuck if he knew. All Kai had been looking for was a place to sleep, and the dude had definitely made him earn it. It was the first time Kai had ever done something like this. Traded sex for something he needed. Dude hadn’t even known that was what was happening. Kai had just been in the area when he’d spotted college kids pouring in and out of the house, and he’d walked in like he belonged there. He hadn’t planned on it but when the dark-haired jock had fixated on him, Kai had run with it.

Kai stretched, his body sore, but he wasn’t going to complain because he’d gotten his nut and gotten some rest and now there was only one more thing Kai wanted from this guy.

“Ready for round three?” Dude asked, blinking bleary eyes at him, a teasing smile playing around his mouth as he reached out and circled a hand around Kai’s morning wood. Kai brushed his hand away, sitting up.

“Nah, I’m gonna take a shower.” Kai wouldn’t take no for an answer. He’d been washing up wherever he could for days, and he needed this like he needed air to breathe.

“Sure, man. Second door on the right.” Dude rolled onto his back and reached for his phone, dismissing Kai. Kai pulled on his jeans, grabbed his backpack which held everything he owned in the world and headed out.

Kai wasted no time jumping into the shower, which was surprisingly clean for a house rented out by a bunch of college kids. He stood under the scorching water, letting the heat penetrate into his tired bones. That clawing in his chest had taken proper hold now, making him feel like he was going to vomit and making it impossible to take full breaths. It hadn’t even been a week since his uncle had kicked him out of his grandmother’s house, and Kai was barely hanging on.

The first few nights he’d had to spend on the streets, he’d been too scared to sleep, huddling in the tightest corner under an underpass, gripping his backpack and the small knife he’d stolen from his dad one of the last times he’d seen him. The first night, he’d cried, tears streaming uncontrollably from his eyes. The terror had been hard enough, but the loneliness had been soul crushing. His grandmother, the only person in the world who had ever cared about him, was dead, and if something happened to him on these streets, there was absolutely no one who would give a fuck about it. Nobody would even know.

Kai pushed his dismal thoughts aside as he rifled through the various bottles lining the edge of the tub and shower caddy pressed into the corner, looking for shampoo, conditioner and body wash. He didn’t want to think about anything after this shower. He didn’t want to think about where he was going to go, what he was going to eat or where he was going to sleep tonight. Those thoughts just put him on edge and stressed him out.

Somewhere in the back of his head, he knew people weren’t supposed to live like this. People weren’t supposed to live in a perpetual state of fight or flight. His grandmother had always said he was a fighter, but she was wrong. This wasn’t his first experience with homelessness, but it was the first time he’d had to do it on his own, and, instead of fighting, Kai was frozen. He lived in constant fear of unknown danger, and he didn’t know how to protect himself from it. He knew it wasn’t sustainable. He just didn’t have any answers.

When he finally made his way downstairs, he took in the damage from the night before. The party had been insane—empty solo cups, beer bottles and pizza boxes littered every surface, though there were also a couple of trash bags from people who had half-heartedly started the clean-up process and then given up before finishing. Kai scanned the room and landed on a blond boy lounging at the kitchen island, his feet kicked up on one of the barstools while he shovelled cereal into his face. He was pretty in a delicate sort of way. Not at all Kai’s type but objectively kind of hot.

“Hey,” he said, giving him an up nod, which the guy returned.

“Hey. Hungry?” He nudged the box of cereal towards Kai, and Kai’s eyes lit up. He was ravenous. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning’s pity muffin from the cafe where he sometimes sat when there was nowhere else to go. The owners were nice and hadn’t minded him lingering inside the couple days when the rain had been too heavy to stay outside.

Heavy footsteps on the stairs made him turn around before he could answer. Dude from last night was fully dressed and looking like he was heading out, keys in hand.

“Oh, hey, you’re still here.” He was suddenly distracted by the blond at the island. “Who’re you?”

“Who’s asking?” the blond sassed.

“Someone who lives here. Are you eating our cereal?” Dude asked, confused.

“I thought it was house cereal.”

Dude shook it off, irritated, turning back to Kai.

“Listen, man, I gotta go, so…” He let the word trail, and Kai smirked, suddenly feeling less guilty about the extra toiletries he’d shoved into his bag.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m leaving.”

“You too, asshole,” Dude said to the blond over Kai’s shoulder. “Party’s over.”

The blond rolled his eyes and shoved the cereal bowl onto the counter, getting to his feet.

He followed Kai to the door.

“What’s your name anyway?” the other guy asked.

“Kai.”

“Liam,” he offered when Kai didn’t ask. “I think I’ve seen you around. You hang out by Beans on Queen, right?”

Kai’s back immediately went ramrod straight. He turned wary eyes on Liam, not sure what was coming next.

“No judgement, man. Been there,” Liam said, putting his hands up to show he didn’t mean anything by it. Kai raked his gaze over Liam. His clothes were definitely worn but in a way that could have come off as deliberate and not from a lack of options. “So, what’s the story? Did you run or get kicked out?”

Kai kept walking but not like he was trying to get away. Frankly, right now, he didn’t mind the company, and Liam gave off a sunshiny vibe that made Kai feel like leaning in just a bit, like maybe some of it might rub off on him. There was a bounce in his step, like life hadn’t kicked him in the knees hard enough to knock it out of him.

“Kicked out.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“You?” Kai asked, not even sure why he was interested other than he wanted to keep the blond talking.

“Ran. Got sick of my parents trying to beat the queer out of me.” He said it like it was no big deal, but Kai could hear something in his voice like bitterness. He cut his gaze to the other boy, something protective flaring in his chest.

“Fuck those guys,” he said, an edge in his voice. Kai was bi but he’d never had to come out. There’d never been anyone to come out to.

Liam grinned. “How old are you anyway? You kinda look eighteen, but I’m guessing not?” He squinting at Kai as though the answer was hiding somewhere in his face. Kai flushed.

“Seventeen,” he lied. He had no idea why, other than the other guy was definitely older than he was, and he felt the need to close the distance. Something about Liam felt safe, and Kai hadn’t felt safe in months. Maybe if the other boy thought they were close in age, he’d feel inclined to hang around.

“Liar.” Liam smirked, assessing him, reading him like an open book.

“Sixteen,” Kai admitted, flushing deeper.

Liam barked out a laugh. “That dude you fucked is nineteen. He’s on the football team and he’s fucking around with minors. Did he know?”

“It didn’t come up,” Kai muttered. Liam laughed again, but there was something calculating in his eyes now. His grin turned sly.

“Come on, let’s go get breakfast. On them,” he said, throwing an arm around Kai’s shoulders as he whipped out a dark brown wallet from his pocket. Kai returned his grin. This kid was definitely trouble, but right then, trouble kind of felt like what it was gonna take to survive.